Things I Heard in Medical School: Volume 22

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I’m officially two-thirds of the way done with my first clinical rotation! Psychiatry has actually been a lot of fun. Not only did I really get to appreciate the field and learn from amazing attendings, I also collected tons of great quotes. So with that, here’s Volume 22!

“Sir. Please wake up. You have to take your sedative!”

“It is only week two and I’m already over it.”

*in the psychiatric unit* “There is something in the air. Everyone is going crazy!”

“Do you always pee for a long time? You took a while.”

“Did you just try to go into the OR to do a psych consult?”

“That nurse just used the bathroom and didn’t wash her hands. You would think in a hospital they would be preoccupied with germs.”

Me: “So you only talk to this friend when he comes to visit you and not on the phone? It is really important that I know.” | Patient: “We never talk on the phone, I promise.” *phone rings* “Okay, I guess we talk sometimes.” | Me: “UGHHHH.”

Resident: “The family said he won’t listen to them when they tell him to stop taking drugs.” | Attending: “Congrats, you have a drug addict.”

Patient: “My dentist said I could give a good blowjob!” | Doctor: “OH MY GOD STOP.”

Doctor: “My patient came and told me that she had a friend who started dating her psychiatrist. She then gave me her address and told me to call her later.”  Student: “Oh, so THAT’s why she didn’t let us in yesterday. So when’s your date?” | Doctor: “Oh gosh…”

“Today’s lesson: how to play pool.”

“Why in the hell did you just consult psychiatry for delirium? DO YOUR DAMN JOB!”

“It is 3 P.M. and I’m in Psych. Why am I still here? Those fourth years lied!”

“All she knows is where CCB is. And even then, she can’t get us there.”

“I didn’t end up discharging her today. She guilted me into letting her stay by crying. Damn it.”

“Do we really have to study for this?”

Resident: “Did you just interview a patient who was still high from their anesthesia?” | Student: “I mean, they seemed happy to talk.” | Resident: “Yes. Because THEY ARE HIGH.”

Nurse: “Where you from?” | Me: “North Carolina.” | Nurse: “…… really??? But you don’t sound American!” Me: “Oh boy…”

“I act like I know this place and yet all I know is where this stupid bathroom is.”

“Did they really just consult me on this? She had a traumatic birth, of course she is gonna be freaked out. Oh FU– no!”

Student: “I think you just eye rolled so hard your eyes went to the back of your head.” | Me: “Trust me, they can go further if you keep talking.”

Nurse: “I’m pretty sure she has PTSD.” | Attending: “I’m pretty sure you have no clue what you are talking about.”

Nurse: “Whose underwear is in the sink?” | Student: “Better question: WHY???”

Student 1: “How’s psych going?” | Student 2: “We had such a busy day. We were lounging around until 10 A.M., got some coffee, and then played pool.” | Student 1: “I hate you all.”

“I just had a code blue and I almost shit my pants because I thought I had to do compressions. I just kept thinking ‘please come back. Or just die.’ But she came back to life so I didn’t have to!”

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