Things I Heard In Medical School: Volume 5

As we get ready to take finals, I thought we could all use a mental break and get a quick laugh in before we find our ways back to the study halls, crying and ripping whatever hair is left from our heads. 

It’s the fifth volume of TIHIMS! Thank you all so much for the kind words about this series — I will definitely continue it next semester! As per usual, quotes are from professors, TAs and students. I tried to make this list a bit longer (so I don’t have to go back into that cold dungeon and look at the stuff I should be looking at right now). On to the show!


“What do you need to know? Everything.”

“I can’t tell if I’m ahead or behind in this lecture.”

“We can text catalase and be like hello?!”

(Loud plane noise over head): “Well, that’s a low flying plane. I don’t remember that last semester.”

“When in doubt for reducing fatty acids, pick NADPH.”
“There is technically more than one enzyme that does this but for your well being we say there is only one.”

“You have to be able to find the palindrome!”

“Well, I hope so” (student’s response to professor in quote above)

“Come back! You are going the wrong way! (as students leave the classroom mid-class). “That’s okay I know who they are.”


Any self-respecting sympathetic nerve is going to use the grey rami communicans.”

“Leg is not the guy on the street leg. It’s medical school leg. Come on, man!”

“Remember that commercial where the lady falls and is like ‘help, help I can’t get up. Life Alert!'”



“The ovary was smart. It stayed inside. The testes wanted to take an adventure and then it got kicked out.”

“If you can’t recognized that this is the vertebral column then you should just leave.”

“There is a layer of adipose tissue overhanging the pelvic girdle. I think you call it a muffin top.”

“As homework I want you all to go into the ocean and just float and think about the placenta and fetal life.”

“This lecture will have violent dissections, adult nudity and skinlessness… this content is not suitable for children or veterinarian students.”

“This can be your 6-pack or your A-pack depending on how much you go to the gym, which for most of us is never.”

“Oh oh NO that shit is open!” (on talking about the foramen ovale)

“When you need money to pay off all of your loans and to pay taxes, just start making meth.”

“We are going to be listening to bowel movements! Wait.. no!”

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