Front Row Views: Volume 3

Back again with another one! Since I can’t pay attention in lecture, I figured I should go ahead and edit/post the next batch of sarcastic stories for you all to see. Here is Front Row Views: Volume 3! Make sure to check out the other ones as well, especially if you need a good dose of stories dipped in dangerously sarcastic wit. Enjoy!

Today our physiology professor played Sesame Street songs before class. I think he was afraid we forgot how to count to four.

After the 1, 2, 3, 4 song was finished, he actively searched for another song and played that as well. He continued to have an emotionless face the whole time and watched intently. This is what our 80 percent attendance goes toward.

He then began class as though nothing happened. How he was able to go from Elmo singing to pulmonary peak flow charts I will never know.

I’ve discovered that I can fall asleep in the front row of class, with my eyes open, and still take legible notes. If this doesn’t deserve a gold medal I don’t know what does.

The neuroscience course director and our current professor have an interesting relationship. I can’t tell if the director enjoys the jabs to his intelligence or if he secretly just wants to strangle the professor in class.

I apparently have no soul and am heartless. I concur with this assessment whole-heartedly. Well, I guess whole-no-hearted-ly.

Today on the bus a guy decided to be our personal DJ by using his giant iPad to blast techno/dance music. This would have been great, if he were actually solicited to do so.

I got paired up with two socially awkward/very religious guys in dissection. This was okay with me, until they discovered we were going to be working on a female. I couldn’t tell if their red faces were from excitement of finally seeing a girl or from embarrassment that this would be the first girl they have ever seen. This should be an interesting semester.

Obnoxious music guy is back at the bus stop after grocery shopping, iPAD in hand. I think I should inform him about the mall’s no music rule, you know, so he doesn’t go to jail…. or the hospital.

He started blasting more clubbing music at the bus stop. I seriously considered calling security, but that meant I had to get up and y’all know I ain’t about that life.

Obnoxious music guy is now on the bus  having an equally annoyingly loud conversation with his friend two rows behind him. The God-awful music is still playing. I don’t know what’s worse anymore. I’ve also developed a hatred for Apple products. Thanks, bro.

I’ve hit the point in the semester where I don’t care what I look like or what people think about me. I call this phase of my life, the potato phase.

Today we learned that Judgy Eyes has a banana obsession. Both literally and figuratively. My ears will never hear the same again.

I made the realization that one neuroscience professor looks like Indian actor, Uday Chopra. I feel ashamed comparing such a kind and intelligent man to the bumbling idiot from Dhoom. I’m sorry, sir.

During dissection, I walked passed a female cadaver. I had to do a double take because homegirl had breast implants that would make a Kardashian jealous.

Today one of our neuroscience professors gave us the sex talk and had way too much fun with it. This wouldn’t be as awkward if he weren’t my adviser that I was going to be meeting in an hour.

The meeting was going really well, with no awkwardness at all. Maybe the world doesn’t hate me after all.

After talking about grades and exams, he came back to the topic of autonomics and how this should be our favorite topic, heavily hinting at the hanky panky. I knew this was too good to be true.

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