Things I Heard in Medical School: Volume 12

We just got out of an exam. Why are we class? WHAT IS THIS?! Let’s ignore pathology and get a kick out of the final things we heard in Term 3. A lot of these are NSFMM (not safe for my mom. So please, mom, stop reading now. I didn’t say this stuff, I swear). Can you recognize these lovely quotes? Let me know!

“Even if he is as hard as a board, you will not have intercourse. You will do NOTHING!”

“He has to stay up the whole time?? I thought it goes up and down??”

“I mean there is up and down, just not that part.”

“Please don’t hate me because I have sex. Its medically important!”

“You apply pain to the head, but it doesn’t hurt that bad…. I mean… I wouldn’t know.”

“We are just like a big brown puddle!”

“Some of you can’t spell very well.”

“You are not born or hardwired to get off on latex.”

“This business executive goes downtown to his favorite dominatrix and she is in all leather and spiked boots and she tells him to lick the toilet and WACK!”

“You have a baby that’s crying and flailing. And all of a sudden, a breast appears!”

“Oh there’s a good sex object over there, but you will get arrested.”

“I’m Nigerian and even I’VE had waffles.”

“Something’s wrong doc. I couldn’t get it up!”

“Is it going to work or not? Is it going to get hard or not?”

Friend 1: “I want a pet kid!!!” || Friend 2: “I think priority should be given to the person whose ovaries and eggs are dying.”

“You work up to it and then you let it go away. Let it go away?? But doc, I haven’t seen one of those in three months!”

“Viagra works too. When you take the medicine, it’s great… Well, I assume it’s great.”

“Just castrate everyone!”

*Watching birds hop around* || Friend 1: “So their goal is to basically find food.” || Friend 2: “That’s kind of mine too.”

“I would be like ‘can you not’ and then just force the pap smear anyway.”

“Can I phone a Roman Catholic during this exam?”

Student 1: “Term 5 sucks Term 5 sucks” || Us: “Well, that’s reassuring.”

“I want the poop stickers!”

“It’s like that because Jesus wanted it that way.”

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