Things I Heard in Medical School: Volume 13

Should I be paying attention to pathology right now? Yes. I mean, I should be doing a lot of things. But why should I be a responsible student when I could be bringing you the newest edition of Things I Heard in Medical School! And a special shout out to my pathology lab group — where I learn way more about you all than I do about actual pathology. Did I catch you saying something ridiculous? Let me know!

“Let’s have some fun with fun-gi. Microbiologists are fun-gist!”

“And then there is malasia fur fur, which I think sounds like a Las Vegas show girl.”

“You have to know what super-antigens are otherwise you wouldn’t have passed my exam.”

“If you are not a nice person, pretend to be nice.”

“If you read the objectives and know every little thing about lymphoma, you will kill  yourself. Seriously I’ve seen it happen.”

“You can hate me now that’s okay. But in the long run you will thank me.”

“Guys do resistance training because they think the chicks love muscle.”

“Every Canadian plays hockey!”

“The princesses of your body are your brain cells and cardiac cells!”

“Your heart cells and neurons got kind of dumb after you were born because they forgot how to reproduce.”

“You might be thinking, ‘why would you want to injure a dead body.’ But trust me. There are weirdos out there.”

“The PMNs are like the speedy Gonzales of the immune system.”

“Bacteria won’t get eaten unless they are sexy.”

“Oh now you all are a pessimistic bunch!”

“I know what you learned in your immunology course. Correction, I know what is taught, I don’t know how much you all learned.”

“Yea the names for these drugs are like a maze and you cover them next term so have fun with those.”

“Lets talk about the balls. The balls…. Testicles.”

“If you are going to have a name tattoo, it better be your mom’s.”

“This is from a 98-year-old lady who actually was run over by a car. But I mean she lived a good healthy life though.”

“They are like the last people at the party, you are trying to kick them out so you can clean up and they just won’t go.”

“I looked up  persistence in the dictionary and it said ‘the process of persisting.’ Well, that’s not very helpful.”

“There are all of these terms that have come from hundreds of years ago and you just have to get over it.”

“The problem is that tumors don’t attend my class.”

“Don’t mix it up with hematoma, which is what you get on Friday night from a bar.”

“Tumor cells are like junior medical students because they don’t listen to their professors!”

“Are you guys actually understanding or just pretending to understand?”

“I’ll try harder to confuse you more.”

“I would have to be a severely mean person to do that. I am a bit of a push but come on!”

“Why would I make you memorize how many people died from the 1918 Spanish flu? How is that useful?”

“I put the tables up for a reason…”

“That’s how you get things done. You have to get high on acid and drive!”

“Let’s practice hemapathology without a license!”

“I recommend you turn your computer off because you will have more fun that way. Unless you are watching porn.”

“You need to come up slowly. But do come up!”

“Ahhh. When tutti is life.”

“Did you really just try to give me that excuse of a cookie?”

Meanwhile in pathology lab

Professor: “What do distractors do?” |  TA: They. Distract.” *with severe eye roll*

“Where’s the 2x button?”

“Basic path is basic. SO. BASIC.”

“I’m stuck like herpes. The gift that keeps on giving!”

“Now I’m scared. I mean, I could get hit in the boob and I’ll get fat necrosis!”

*Question says Vladimir Puttin has decreased sex drive* | TA: “I don’t think Puttin will have that issue.”

“Ugh you are a cat person?”

“You are just like zone 2 of the liver lobule. No one cares about you.”

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