Things I Heard in Medical School: Volume 28

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Finally — another post! And this one features the last of the quotes from family medicine! It’s a short one, I know, but I hope you can still find something to laugh at! Hope you enjoy Volume 28!

Attending: “Does this look like state of the art care to you?” | Resident: “More like state of the fart…” | Attending: “Why did I hire you?”

“Don’t worry, we are here to help you all whenever you need it…. MAYBE.”

“I’m just going to start carrying around this syringe and shoot you all when you annoy me.”

Student: “I’m on a diet.” | Me: “You are literally eating a cookie. “| Student: “… Ok I was on a diet.”

“You can’t give her that much metformin twice a day! She’ll have enough gas to propel herself to Europe. And enough diarrhea to mark the trail.”

“We went over this last week. So either you guys have a short term memory problem, you ignore me, or I’m just wasting my time.”

“The worst part about being chief resident is that I actually have to read my emails now.”

Student: “Oh my God these donuts!” | Resident: “Back away spawn of Satan these aren’t for you.”

“When the feces and the fan start to get together, you need to duck. Walk away. And don’t look back.”

“If I was still working on this, someone would have been dead. Actually no — I would be a mass murder by this point. Have things hanging on my wall.”

Attending: “You are a hard worker, always on time and are overall pleasant to be around. You think you can live with that?” | Me: “I guess I can try to.”

“I’m going to strangle you so help me God — oh, hi! Have a nice weekend!”

Student: “Oh are you guys talking about boy drama?? I love butting into people’s conversations!”| Me: “Really? I haven’t noticed that at all…”

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