Things I Heard in Medical School: Volume 29

Image result for obgyn meme

You know how I said that I was going to post more and keep this blog up-to-date? HA y’all should know better than to trust me on that. Since I’ve been gone, I have completed my OBGYN, Pediatrics and Surgery rotations! And all I have left is Internal Medicine. Wow, time flies when you are stressed out and procrastinate. To make it up to y’all, here are some things I heard during my OBGYN rotation!

“Be careful because this stuff is flammable. So if you are in the OR and you smell something burning, it might be you.”

“Never mess with a scrub tech unless you want to be miserable for the rest of your time here.”

Woman in labor: “This is all YOUR fault!!!” | Husband: “oh…”

Woman in labor: “I have to go to the bathroom!!! | Nurse: “You literally just pooped all over the resident you have no reason to go anymore.”

“Can you just please stop screaming? You are scaring all the other mothers.”

Resident: “Wait… so you are in severe pain and want medicine for it… but you are refusing the epidural?” | Mother: “Yes.” | Nurse: “Oh boy this is going to be a long night.”

“The patient just told me that she only called her friend over to visit her so that she and her boyfriend could hook up in the shower…”

Nurse 1: “The mom’s toxicology screen was positive for cocaine and other things.” | Nurse 2: “Damn that’s why that baby looked high as hell.”

“Why is everyone so fat? I just want a skinny patient for once.”

Me: “Is there a specific indication for using the robot today?” | Resident: “Ehhhhh, the attending just likes to use it.”

*Student after witnessing birth for the first time*: “That’s it, I don’t want kids anymore.”

Student 1: “How does THAT come out of THAT?!” | Student 2: “Science!”

Nurse: “That patient in that room is in pain.” | Resident: “Well she wouldn’t be if she just got the f—ing epidural.”

Attending: “Here, you can pull out the baby and deliver.” | Me: “lol wut.” | *Attending procedes to push me between the patient’s legs*

Resident: “Put the suction right there.” | Attending: “No don’t do that!” | Resident: “I said put the suction there.” | Me in my head: “Einie meanie, minie mo.”

Attending: “I want you to cut along this plane.” | Resident: “Yeah… I don’t think that’s a good idea so I’m going over here.” | *10 minutes later* | Resident: “Oh…. whoops.”

*Loud thud* Attending: “Whoopsies! Uterus on the floor! Hehe.” | Resident: “Wait what?!?”

Resident: “Can you please hold up your wife’s leg while she pushes?” | Husband: “Do I have to?” | Wife: “YOU DID THIS TO ME NOW HOLD MY LEG!”

Student: “Why is she screaming so much?” | Resident: “Because she has been in labor for almost 23 hours and she keeps refusing the epidural.”

“Oh, we aren’t going to vaccinate our baby. There’s no point. He will be fine with us. And he is safe here in the hospital.”

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