Things I Heard in Medical School: Volume 2

Since we are halfway through midterms, I thought I would take a trip down memory lane and look over some of the funny things we heard in medical school thus far. Make sure to read Volume 1! All quotes are from various professors and students. Can you remember them?

Anatomy Professors

“We tried to dumb it down as much as we can for you.”

“How many of you all have started Gray’s questions?” *students raise hands* “Why are you doing that man?”

“Many years ago I did pathology. And now I can spell it!”

“Come on guys, get a life. Why do you guys look so surprised?

“Stop being secretaries for professors!”

“When you want to show off anatomy terms, just make one up. You might be right.”

“Why do we need to know all of these superficial veins? Because all of the druggies know them!”

“What is the function of the erector spinae muscles?” *silence* “They erect the damn spine! Come on guys!”

“We can safely say this is a female because of the breast shadows. But it could be a male if he had man boobs.”

“We put a metal sheet there to protect the family jewels or else he will be shooting blanks for the rest of his life.” (all with a straight face)

“You all are probably thinking, ‘I don’t see crap.'”

Biochemistry Professors

“Use this line next time you are trying to pick up a date at Bananas:
‘If I were an enzyme, I’d be Helicase so I could unzip your genes.'” (see right –>)

“It’s like school dances. We have chaperons so that there is no inappropriate touching between boys and girls.” (while explaining chaperon proteins)

“Hulk Hogan did NOT rip that phone book in half. No human can do that. The intermolecular forces are too strong!”

“We aren’t going to talk about silk because we aren’t doing spider medicine.”

“I’m on the board so I’m like a big deal.”

Histology Professors

“It’s like Oprah. Everybody gets a hat!”

“My grandma asked me why her hand won’t open and I was like, its because you are OLDDDD.”

“These are different things I’ve been called…. Daddy…. unless you are my child… or my girlfriend…”

“These pictures tend to last a while so when you look at them in 50 years…. at least comb your hair over.” (preparing us for White Coat)

“The Haversian canal is like a supermarket and a toilet.”

“I’m going to be the delinquent testes!” (pops his head out of layers of sheets while
demonstrating the formation of the spermatic cord)

“Easy peasy japanesezy!”

“The one percent who picked goblet cells please raise your hands so I can kick you.”

Students and Friends

“It’s like a food court for them!” (my friend as new students go through the study hall in loud voices)

“I was sleepy until we got to the drugs. Then I woke up.” (my friend during
biochemistry)

“I’ve been slouching so much I’m going to develop hyperkyphosis and that’s not attractive.” (my roommate)

“It’s not done yet!” (my friend talking about a 4-week-old embryo)

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