We have officially started residency! And though I don’t get to hear the crazy things my co-interns say as much anymore, I still manage to catch a few gems now and again. But lucky for y’all, this post is the last of all the ridiculous things we said during orientation! So I hope you enjoy Things I Heard in Residency: Volume 2!

Intern 1: “I rather be cold than hot because there’s only so many items of clothing you can take off.” | Intern 2: “You could always just peel off your skin!”

“I think kids should eat sand. It’s good for them.”

“They can’t see my smile behind this mask. I’m gonna have to make my baby blues do all the work for me!”

Resident: “You have to share this with the NICU attending so they shower with you.” | Intern: “I feel like that’s an HR problem waiting to happen.”

“I’m just going to find a hole and insert myself right in there. Trust me, I’ve done it before.”

“We had a 80 kg kid rolling around up in here and they didn’t want no chicken nuggets from the kid’s menu!”

“There are some things you should be looking up the dose for, but Tylenol and Motrin shouldn’t be the two and if they are, then I’m gonna have to pull you aside and have remedial time.”

“We know that kids develop their taste senses at different times. That’s why they go and drink a up the Draino and don’t say nothing.”

“You gotta grab them and put them between your knees and get it in them before they chuck it all out. You gotta figure out your parenting technique.”

“The next skill we are going to learn is choking. Not how to choke someone but how to save them.”

“Is this food stipend going to stay all three years? This is important information. It’s why I came.”

“I’m just gonna start bringing my buggy and go shopping in the cafeteria!”

“This is the only socially acceptable time you can slap a child.”

“He looks a little pale, but sometimes some people are just unfortunately white.”

“Girl what you sticking in my mouth???”

“You gotta butter them up and then just slide in it there!”

CPR Instructor: “What are you gonna do with this kid?” | Intern: “Take him to the meat locker.”