Oh hey! I’m glad Things I Heard in Residency is off to a great start. Thank you to everyone that has asked about it! Don’t worry, I’m still collecting quotes for the next post, but for now, I thought I could share some of the ridiculous things I heard on the interview trail. These lovely quotes came from fellow applicants, attendings, program directors and their staff.  Hope you enjoy Things I Heard on the Interview Trail!

Everyone: “So where are you from?” | Me: “North Carolina.”

Everyone’s follow up: “Where are you from originally?” | Me: “Long Island, New York.”

Literally all of those people: “But you have an accent.”

“Are you sure you actually want family medicine and this isn’t just a backup?”

“What is your spirit animal?”

Interviewer: “Wow your English is so good! I would have never thought that you grew up outside the country!” Me: “…. because I didn’t?”

PD: “I am definitely looking forward to your thank you letter!” | Me internally: “lol that’s cute.”

“So what was it like living in a third world country?”

Interviewer: “What kitchen appliance would you be and why?” | Me: “An oven, because I can keep you warm, bake you cakes, and burn you if you make me angry.”

Male Applicant (from India): “Are you married?” | Me: “…… no.” | Applicant: “What are your parents looking for in a guy for you?” | Me: “All they want is an AMERICAN, you know, a US citizen.” | Applicant: “Oh… never mind.”

Mom: “How was the program?” | Me: “They were too nice. I couldn’t do it. I wanted to gouge my eyes out.”

“So when did you immigrate to America?”

“You are definitely going to work way over 80 hours a week and that’s totally fine. We fudge the numbers.”

Interviewer: “I saw that you are a refugee, that’s so cool!” | Me: “I mean, I do like to think being away from home is a refuge, but no I’m still being persecuted by my parents.”

“Do you have to get an arranged marriage? I think I read that’s a thing you guys do.”

Me: “I would like to do traditional family medicine and have a broad spectrum of care.” | Interviewer: “So no one really does that now and you should manage your expectations.”

Interviewer: “I just have to ask. Where are you from?” | Me: “It’s because of the accent, isn’t it?”

Mom: “How was it?” | Me: “Um besides me wanting to slap a few of the candidates for being airheads, it was meh.” | Mom: “But what about the program?” | Me: “eh.”

Interviewer: “You are going to teach me how to make an origami boat.” | Me: “Did I apply for the wrong position or…???”

“We care about making you all into leaders! So we have you spending more time going to leadership conferences and doing more projects that spending time in the hospital, because that’s what internists are for.” Me: “lolwut.”

Mom: “How was this program?” | Me: “They have a freaking zen garden.” | Mom: “… so that’s a no?” | Me: “Can you imagine me in a zen garden? ME? ZEN?”

“Interviewing for a program is just like sex. It’s awkward, and usually it’s pretty fast. I’m not speaking for myself on that last part.”

Male Applicant (from India): “Oh my gosh, your parents let you go out alone? Wow.”

“If you want to deliver babies, do neonatal care, see kids, do procedures… you will never see that here. That’s not my job.”

“You will get into a car wreck here, so make sure you get insurance.”

Interviewer: “So what is your goal?” | Me: “Find a program that will train me well and become well-rounded so I can work in a small town or rural area.” | Interviewer: “You shouldn’t be so narrow-minded.” | Me: ???

“Yeah you would be our first MD if you came and honestly I wouldn’t know what I would do with you.”

“None of the faculty is here to meet you today so your day will be over really quick!” | Me internally: “Can I just leave now?”

Parents after every interview: “How was this program? How did it go?” | Me, every time: “It’s not Florence.”